Stardust
by Black Angelis2
Summary: "You've turned my heart upside down," he would tell her. Now, other things are turning upside down, the objects he holds and the words he says, his memories when they turn into dust.


**Stardust**

oOo

"You've turned my heart upside down," he says to her on their wedding day. He never thought he would be so happy, he never thought he deserved it but Daenerys smiles at him and he knows that everything will be all right. Her silver hair, her purple eyes – he could never forget them.

"You've turned mine upside down as well," she responds before kissing him.

She is the Queen of his heart and the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms alike. He closes his eyes and whispers in a soft voice:

"I will never let you down."

He will be king consort, Hand of the Queen or just an advisor, he will be whatever she wants him to be, it doesn't matter as long as he is by her side – where he belongs.

"I know, Jorah," Daenerys says.

Tears appear in her eyes.

"I will never let you down either."

.

He takes her to Pentos after the wedding, where they met for the first time. They lie down on the beach and look at the stars appearing in the sky.

"I feel like I'm dreaming," Daenerys tells him. "I feel like none of this is real."

"It is real," he says.

On the morning, he takes a jar and fills it with sand before giving it to her.

"So you can remember it's not a dream," he smiles.

"Oh, Jorah," she sighs lovingly. "It's like stardust. The stars shining when you asked for my hand."

"They will shine forever," he promises before pulling her close.

.

Daenerys is a good queen. This is what he thinks whenever he sees her on the Iron Throne, when she mounts Drogon and flies through the sky, when she smiles at children in the streets. He tries to be worthy of her – he would do anything for her.

One day, they visit Tyrion and Sansa at Winterfell and he sees her sigh as she stares at their children – the one thing he can't give her.

"I'm sorry," he tells her later.

"It's not your fault," she assures him.

"You're unhappy."

He can't bear to see her smile turning into dust.

"Jorah," she laughs softly. "I could never be unhappy as long as you're here."

.

She says she's happy but he knows she could be a lot happier, and he knows he was right the night he returns to the Red Keep holding a baby in his arms. Stars that weren't there before light up the purple of her eyes.

"Who is she?"

"Her mother has just died. She's an orphan."

She gently takes the baby in her arms.

"I can't give you children, but it doesn't mean you can't be a mother."

She looks up at him and he's sure he's never seen a smile so bright.

.

Laena is the child they both dreamed of. She's beautiful and smart and curious. She's growing up so fast – he doesn't notice how time flies. She's four when he shows her the jar filled with the sand of Pentos.

"It's like stardust," he murmurs.

She grabs the jar with her small hands and frowns.

"Are stars made of sand?"

"Who knows?" Daenerys laughs. "Maybe it's the sand that is made of stars."

She carefully takes the jar back.

"You have to be very careful with it. Breaking it would be like turning your father's heart upside down."

Feeling moved, he kisses her forehead.

"You've already turned my heart upside down."

.

One day, while they're both busy, Laena burns herself. She's only seven but she already knows all about the Targaryens, she knows her mother is called the Unburnt and she dreams of the day she will be allowed to mount Drogon. They're sitting at the small council table when she storms into the room. She's crying and he sees the burn on her arm.

She won't tell them what happened.

"I thought the Targaryens didn't fear fire," she tells them later, after a maester has taken care of her – he said she will be left with a scar.

Daenerys sighs and strokes her hair.

"Even dragons can be hurt," she whispers softly.

When Laena has fallen asleep, Daenerys says:

"She knows we aren't her real parents but she thinks she has the blood of the dragon all the same..."

"She has the blood of the dragon. She's our daughter," he responds tenderly.

He glances at the burn on her arm and says:

"It won't happen again. I'll protect her. I'll protect you both."

.

Laena likes playing with Catelyn and Theon Lannister, Tyrion and Sansa's children. He likes watching them play in Winterfell's courtyard or in the Throne Room. He also likes seeing Daenerys laugh with Sansa – his queen has never had friends before. He's happy to see her happy. They like sitting under a lemon tree in the gardens so sitting there becomes an habit of his, and when he does, her can hear her beautiful laughter and his heart turns upside down again.

"I thought you didn't like lemons," Daenerys tells him one day.

"I don't, but I love you."

The silver hair, the purple eyes, the jar filled with sand, Laena, the lemons – he could never forget them, they're the reason why he lives.

.

One day, he wants to look at the jar filled with sand but he can't find it. He looks everything in the Red Keep and he feels his heart breaking at the thought it may be lost forever.

He sheds some tears when he kneels before Daenerys to tell her.

"It's gone," he says. "It's gone. The jar filled with stardust."

She kneels beside him and strokes his cheek.

"It's not. It's in Laena's room. She asked us for it yesterday, don't you remember?"

"I... I..."

He feels so stupid and he laughs. His tears are now shed out of joy.

"You're tired," Daenerys says. "You work too much."

"I don't. I'm fine."

Later, he walks into Laena's room and grabs the jar. He won't forget again.

.

He likes reading stories to Laena before she goes to sleep, he likes when she listens to him with interest and he likes seeing stars appear in her shining eyes, when she starts dreaming of dragons and heroes.

Tonight, he's just started reading when she says:

"You read this story yesterday," she laughs.

"Did I?"

"You did."

He's feeling bewildered.

"Your father is getting old, Laena," is all he can say.

So he reads another story. He doesn't tell Daenerys, he doesn't want her to worry about him. He's just getting old. His queen is still young and beautiful but the Stranger is already lurking around him.

It's all right. It doesn't matter.

.

On Laena's nameday, he gets lemon cakes made for her – her favorite ones. He watches her eat them, looking amused.

"You don't eat?" she worries.

He doesn't like lemon cakes but he loves Daenerys and he loves Laena. He doesn't want to disappoint her. He takes a cake and starts eating.

"These cakes are the best cakes in the world!" she says.

He smiles at her and nods.

.

He's talking about Daenerys's coronation day with Tyrion Lannister when the feeling of bewilderment returns.

"I remember this day as if it were yesterday," he says. "The sky was blue. She appeared on Drogon's back. He landed in the Red Keep's courtyard and she entered the... the..."

He can't find the words. His mouth is still open and he stays like that for a few seconds, frowning.

"The Throne Room?" Tyrion says.

He nods. He can't pretend not te be worried.

"You work too much. You should rest."

"Yes... that's what I'm going to do."

.

He tries to rest but it's useless. He keeps forgetting. He forgets where Laena's favorite doll is whereas he was holding it ten minutes ago. He forgets he shares Daenerys's room since their wedding and only remembers when he walks into his former room, finding it empty. He forgets what he did the day before, he forgets what he's supposed to do the next day.

He can't conceal it from Daenerys. She worries.

"I'm just tired," he says. "I'm getting old."

"You're not old."

"I am," he sighs. "But it doesn't change anything. I won't forget that I love you."

The silver hair, the purple eyes, the jar filled with sand, Laena, the lemons – he won't forget, he never will.

.

Daenerys is still worried so she insists they go to Winterfell for a few days. He agrees – he always does. He would do anything to see her smile.

Laena likes playing in the snow with Theon and Catelyn. He feels serene watching them – there's almost nothing to forget here. He wishes he could forget the army of the dead.

He wishes he didn't wish to forget when he steals a glimpse of Daenerys crying in Sansa's arms.

"I'm scared..." she sobs.

"It will be all right," Sansa says. "It will get better, it always does."

His heart breaks as he walks away, his head down.

.

The silver hair, the purple eyes, the jar filled with sand, Laena, the lemons.

.

"I think you should see a maester," Daenerys tells him when they return to King's Landing.

"There's no need for that. I'm fine. I forget nothing that's important."

They sit under the lemon tree.

"I don't want to lose you," Daenerys moans. "My crown doesn't matter without you. It's not worth it."

They lie down and they watch the stars starting to shine in the sky, like so many years before in Pentos.

"Memories are like stardust," Daenerys whispers. "They shine, some more than others, but in the end, they all disappear."

.

They're celebrating the anniversary of Daenerys's coronation day. Sansa and Tyrion have come for the occasion.

"How are you, Jorah?" the Wardeness of the North asks him.

"I'm fine, thank you," he promises.

She doesn't look convinced. He saw her talking to Daenerys earlier. His heart aches.

Laena runs to him and gives him a lemon cake.

"It's for you," she says, smiling.

He feels troubled.

"Oh, thank you, but I don't like lemons."

.

The silver hair, the purple eyes, the jar filled with sand, Laena.

.

One day, he gets lost somewhere in the Red Keep and after that Daenerys makes him see a maester. It's a strange disease, he tells them. A memory thief.

She bursts into tears when he finishes talking.

"So... I'm going to forget everything?"

The maester nods.

"You will feel confused. There are things you will no longer be able to do. You might even forget your own name."

"No."

He storms out of the room, short of breath. Daenerys catches up with him – she hasn't stopped crying.

"He's lying. I could never forget you. Never."

.

He keeps getting lost in the Red Keep. He's becoming clumsy and almost drops the jar filled with sand. It takes him a few minutes to remember the name of this iron chair Daenerys sits upon.

With a heavy heart, he ends up telling her he can't be her consort any more, feeling so useless.

"Don't be ridiculous," she responds. "You are my king, now and always."

"One day, I might forget what a king is."

She pulls him into an embrace.

"I'll be there to make you remember. I won't forget you. I turned you heart upside down, remember? And you turned mine as well."

.

"You've turned my heart upside down," he would tell her. Now, other things are turning upside down, the objects he holds and the words he says, his memories when they turn into dust.

.

Laena feels something is wrong. One night, she sneaks into their room and climbs on the bed before lying down between them.

He cannot sleep a wink._ Don't forget_, he commands himself. _Don't forget. Never forget_.

Daenerys and Laena are so tranquil when they're sleeping. He loves them too much to forget them. He closes his eyes and starts dreaming of the beach in Pentos and the starry sky. Maybe they should take Laena there, with Drogon they would get there quickly.

On the morning, when he looks at his daughter, he wonders where she got that scar on her arm.

.

Daenerys tells Sansa and Tyrion. He warns them that he doesn't want their pity – he doesn't need it. He hasn't forgotten everything, and he won't. The maester is wrong.

One year, two years, three years. He thinks he's defeated the memory thief. He forgets and he gets lost, the words turn upside down but he remembers what really matters. The rest can turn into nothingness, he doesn't care.

Four years, five years. He gets mad at Laena, he even gets mad at Daenerys. He bumps into things and he falls, he forgets where Dragonstone and Winterfell are, he forgets the existence of Casterly Rock and Storm's End.

The memory thief won't give up.

A friend of Daenerys has moved to the Red Keep with her husband and her two children. She visits him and he answers her questions politely.

"Your friend has beautiful hair," he says to Daenerys, remembering the red curls.

.

Six years. Daenerys doesn't smile any more, her smile turned into dust, just like his memories.

"Oh, Jorah," she weeps every night.

He hasn't forgotten her, he hasn't forgotten that he loves her – the memory thief won't take that from him.

"I love you so much," she repeats, kissing him.

He strokes her hair, feeling emotional.

"What will I do without you?" he hears her whispering.

"I'm not going anywhere."

He tries to prove that he's still here, that he will always be. He stands beside her when she sits on the Iron Throne, he attends the small council meetings, during which he watches in a pensive mood Daenerys's friends, the red-haired woman and the little man.

He dares not ask who the maid with a scar on her arm is.

.

The silver hair, the purple eyes, the jar filled with sand.

.

Seven years.

He's old, now. He feels guilty to be such a burden for Daenerys.

"You should find another king," he sighs as she leads him back to their room – he got lost again.

"I don't want another king, I never have. I want you."

He closes his eyes and nods painfully.

He almost wishes the memory thief would take everything faster so he could finally forget his shame.

.

One night, as he walks toward his bed, he bumps into Daenerys's dressing table. A jar filled with sand shatters on the ground.

He wonders why they keep such an object in their room when Daenerys appears. She bursts into tears and falls to her knees on the ground when she understands what happened. She makes an attempt to collect the sand. He kneels and tries to help her, even though he doesn't understand.

"I could find you some sand on the harbor," he says.

Her tears keep falling.

.

The silver hair, the purple eyes.

.

The memory thief will not win. It won't take Daenerys from him.

.

He wishes Daenerys would stay with him all the time. He likes looking at her, he feels happy when she's here.

"I can't," she tells him, wiping some tears away. "I'm the Queen. I have to take care of the realm."

He didn't know she was a queen – it must be why she always looks sad and tired. Fortunately, the maid who has a scar on her arm keeps him company and reads him stories about dragons and heroes. He likes listening to her. Sometimes, the red-haired woman and the little man come as well.

He wonders why they always look like they're about to cry when they look at him.

.

Eight years.

He can't move about on his own, now. He stares at the ceilling and dreams of dragons. He's never seen one – they might only exist in legends.

The lady with silver hair and purple eyes may know the answer. He asks her.

"Dragons are real," she whispers. "They fly through the sky and touch the stars."

"I'd like to see a dragon."

Tears roll down her cheeks. He doesn't like seeing her cry – she's so kind to him.

.

The world is bleak, now. He tries to speak but the words no longer come. The lady with silver hair, the maid who has a scar, the red-haired woman and the little man are gathered around his bed.

"It will be over soon, Jorah," the silver-haired lady says.

She gives him a gentle kiss.

"The stardust will return," she promises.

She lies down beside him. She's weeping and he starts crying too without really understanding why.

The world is bleak, and one day, the world turns black.

.

She was right. The stardust has returned.

The silver hair, the purple eyes, the jar filled with sand, Laena, the lemons.


End file.
